I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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