sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
