Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I have fence marks all over my body
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
