the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
