You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I'm experimenting with sincerity
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Randomize