You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize