Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I wear drunk well.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize