Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
