So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Randomize
