What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
