I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
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