So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
