any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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