i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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