Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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