I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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