if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
