best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
