He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
Randomize
