im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
