PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
