Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize