Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
