I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
