I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
