Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
My pussy is not your playground.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
