Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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