that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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