you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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