Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
try to milk me bitch
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