I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize
