This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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