Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Randomize
