wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
