So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
