If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
