Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
