Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I wish there were birth control emojis
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
