Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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