I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
