Well douche your snatch and let's go!
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Randomize
