Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
