I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I looked at my own cervix.
she looked like the before picture.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
