Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
