I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
