You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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