I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
