Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
