If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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