he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
God, I missed his penis.
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