for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize