shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
