If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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