It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Randomize
