i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
