he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
