next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
