You can't motorboat a personality
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Randomize
