yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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