i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
