I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Randomize
