i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
