3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
