he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
E drugging s springing. Ease dnt Kate. To t e. ess e I meant thou.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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