Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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