I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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