I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
