Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
you win again, gameday.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
