I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I returned her cell phone that I found in the bathroom, I felt the stretcher and the ambulance was enough of a learning experience.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Randomize
