i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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