Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
