Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
