So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
