"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
